Petrol Head

 There is an open moorland with a wide green rusty metal pipe emerging from the ground, a turn valve on the top.

A man opens the valve and drinks the oil that the pipe is transporting. He drinks it then sets it aflame, like a fire breather. Flames lick around him burning his nose, he looks arrogant and inflated, I think it can't be good for his body what he is doing. It feels toxic and horrible.

A woman is stood next to him. I hear a voice say to her "before the day is out, you will sacrifice your body two times for things that have no meaning. Things that have no value or worth, for these no-things, you will sacrifice your body".

I wake up feeling very disturbed.

I talk about this dream a few times. In the past, work has sometimes led me to crash. I have felt like someone who "can't to the world of work like others can" due to past traumas. I have felt that I have not fully materialised my full potential in the world of work.

I am now flexing a muscle and finding it strong. I work more hours, with a focus and continuousness that has eluded me in the past. I have felt proud of my new found strength. However my body also seems to be reacting to this. I have tinnitus, a bad back, a rash on my feet and have even been having blood tests regarding RBCs, exploring the possibility of a very rare illness ...

I have been reflecting on the figures in the dream. One is 'ego-inflated' - self agrandising -puffed up on fossil fuel. The other is self abandoning. These feel like two kinds of trauma response to an out of balance world, one that is dying as we drink more and more fossil fuel for our endless expansion ...

I wonder if it is really a good thing, to be able to undertake a ferocity of work that is our "normal".