This dream follow on with the themes in A meeting with wealth:
I am with a friend Caroline: IRL we were colleagues at one time, her business accelerated past mine, she was featured in many magazines / TV / newspapers. I have sometimes felt envious of that, though I realise doing so would have trapped me in sexuality work (she is a sex bod practitioner) and so wouldn't have been a good thing for the changes that came later in my working life.
We are with two men in an unfamiliar country. They all want to go to a bar, she seems to be with one man (man 1) and indicating that the other man is interested in me (man 2). He is very wealthy and wants to buy us all drinks. I am reluctant and resistant to the whole idea. Internally, I have vague memories of having 'another love' - I think maybe the other love is my current partners Tony & Sarah.
I end up going to the bar anyhow. We drive there in an old fashioned car, maybe from the 1920s. Man 2 heads up to the bar buying us all drinks, he is smiling at me. I am still resistant to this whole affair. Then I recall - I have written a piano piece - a very complex long work. Its my best piece ever (maybe the last one I composed before I stopped playing the piano in my late teens).
HE HAS BEEN PLAYING MY PIANO COMPOSITION.
I suddenly realise that he has been engaging deeply with, appreciating and playing this piano composition of mine. It's confusing and I don't know what to do. I realise he might be someone loving, caring and good for me. But due to his trying to relate with me via his wealth (in the act of buying us all drinks) I have felt rejecting of him.
Earlier in the dream sequence:
I meet an elderly woman. We are in a group talking. She says "I seek to gently push women out of sex work". I explode at her. "What right have you to infatilise them and decide what is best for them? Its up to them if they want to leave sex work or not. Do you ask them that?"
She gracefully withstands my challenge, firmly being with it, not bowed by it but not biting back either.
When I wake up I recognise this elderly woman as a guide that I have seen in my dreams before a long time ago when I was doing sexuality / tantra work. She came once and led me through a field of blue bells. Another time she applied healing ointments to my body.
I lie in bed wondering if this elderly woman guide gently led me out of my sexuality focused work into the work that I do now. If she did - I am deeply grateful to her - as I write this now I want to express my gratitude to that guide and say sorry that I shouted at you in my dream! Thank you for guiding me with my best interests at heart, before I even knew what they were.
Also reflecting in the morning, I recall that I read a book on Autism (Aspergirls by Rudy Simone). In it she said aspergirls often know very early on what they want to do in life. The more closely they can stay with that (either as a hobby or profession) the happier they will be.
It made me reflect - what is the earliest thing I can recall wanting to "be"? I wanted to be a nun, as a very young girl thats what I wanted to do. I realised in some ways I have done that; i.e. I have followed deeply a spiritual path, engaging with themes of awakening / enlightenment.
What I forgot in those reflections though is my piano! I didn't want to 'be a pianist' so I totally overlooked it. I was the youngest pupil ever at the Kenney School of Music and Dance. I was wholly absorbed by playing the piano from a very young age all through to my late teens when I started travelling and having a piano in rented accommodation was impractical.
A song has also come to me lately - the first song I have written since I stopped composing in my late teens. Here below are the words of that short simple song.
Here comes the river man.
Deep down feel me,
I am with you.
Flowing freely,
This heart holds you.
Oh carry me,
Back to the sea.
Surrendering,
Into her deep.
Riverman,
Now we are free.
Deep down feel me,
I am with you.
Flowing freely,
This heart holds you.
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