3 Guinea Pigs

I have 3 guinea pigs and am moving them into some new cages.

As I do so I have this idea to chop them in half in order to make them "small enough to move". The ideas seems perfectly reasonable so I catch one, and chop it in half.

I move over the top half into the new cage, it keeps scurrying around though it's insides are now clearly visible from it's cleanly dissected trunk (rather like Damien Hurst sculpture the place where it is sliced is clean, precise, open and clearly visible).

I realize instantly that I have made a terrible mistake. I think about using bandage to repair the error and wonder if it can hold the two halves together. I ask someone next to me to help "how can I fix this?" - looking at the cages too I see for the first time that they are horribly small and the whole thing is a complete nightmare.