Monday, June 25, 2018

Cut in two [trigger warning, contains violence]

I dream about a mafia man and his lackey.

The lackey is trying to be big, to seem big - but he is trying. And at the same time really he is hiding, manipulative, not to be trusted.

The Mafia man is at ease in his big emperors chair.

The lackey is trying to explain about something he hasn't done, but its clear he is lying. Its painful watching him, I can feel the tension of his lies as if my own body..

Suddenly, a cheese wire contraption comes down from the ceiling, in a flash, and cuts him from head to toe completely in two, in a matter of seconds. His left and right sides crumple to the floor. Two men arrive and pull them away.

The mafia boss stands and indicates with a slice of his hand "straight down the line with me, only straight down the line, nothing else."

I feel all this too.

Postscript
The dream shocking as it was, came in the middle of teaching a workshop about noticing, trusting, valuing and communicating what is true - and teaching the wheel of consent.

Later on in the night I had a second dream where I looked in the mirror and my whole right side was distorted and larger than the left, as if I was looking in distorting mirror.

I thought about the splits in our being that can be created by trauma, how we sometimes split to survive  bad things.

Later that day someone told me about how in the Harry Potter books, its said that a "soul permanently splits in half when it has done something terrible" and this felt relevant too.

I was interested that this truth seeking "straight down the line" character - was also a ruthless mafia boss.

A tyrannical superego? An ancestral or past life splitting from an abuse of power? An old trauma splitting way to survive something fearful, that is no longer needed?

Or simply the power of consciousness, to slay the betrayal of compromise, with one clear cut "straight down the line".

I know and felt (of course) that I was everything in the dream and it all was me - but the mafia boss reverberated through me most of all upon waking, I can feel him now.

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