The Shaman and the Squirrel

 I am with a man - and he is me - I know this clearly.

He is leading the way though so all I can do is follow and communicate an input into our journey as best I can, as he determines where we go.

He is visible to others, I am not, we cannot be separated.

He is telling me about the upcoming journey, what his aim is. We are in a jungle by a river, it is dark and I smell swamp, earth and water. He tells me he has learned two words of the local language, the language is very hard and it has taken him a long time to learn just these two words. He says he will use it to communicate and get us to our destination (I am still not clear yet what that is).

An indigenous man appears, about 25, dressed casually in white linen smock and baggy brown linen trousers. He is friendly - "my" man tries to communicate with him in the two words he has learned. He repeatedly makes two deep guttural sounds, a bit like a seal.

The indigenous man looks confused, then his face lights up and he repeats a few times "ah, Shaman, Shaman, Shaman!" He smiles and laughs, he is pleased he has worked out what "my" man is saying (he never addresses me, I don't know if he can see me).

Through his confusion then his chuckle - and his light high voice completely unlike "my" mans two words - I guess that my man has completely misunderstood something about the culture and language here. I am momentarily embarrassed for him.

My man is lead to a canoe by the indigenous man - it is hand chiselled from a large but buoyant singular piece of wood and is simple, light in colour and elegant - rather like its owner. My man is gestured into the canoe , as he is climbing in I notice he has a backpack on - it is small and completely the wrong size for him - like the kind of day bag a boy would carry to school.

Seeing the backpack causes me to recall something - the squirrel, where is our squirrel! I start to gesture but I have little agency in the scene not being visible. It is moving on and I am in a terrible dilemma - I have to go with the man so must get in the boat - but I also cannot leave without the squirrel.

In a singular moment I can feel two ends of a polarity - I can feel the power of the place of the Shaman deep in the jungle and I know that we must go there. At the same time I can feel that even though she is small and vulnerable - squirrel is also essential to our journey and CANNOT be left behind - I cannot be separated from either of them.

Part Two

This dream was so powerful for me that I went to bed some nights later, holding the intention to get in the boat with the squirrel and all parts of me (me and my man) and see where the boatman takes me. I did this and here is what I dreamt ...

I am in a family constellations workshop. Its confusing as the group is run by ES, the person I saw for many years to constellate my own life. But the workshop is also run by Mrs Smith, my music teacher from secondary school!

I haven't thought about her for years, I recall her as being uninspired and uninspiring. Despite loving piano playing and composition - which I mainly learned from Mr & Mrs Kenney who taught me outside of school from the age of 5 - my lessons with Mrs Smith I recall as deadening.

So strange to have a group run by her and ES who inspired my own soul calling as a family constellator (see my website here if you don't know what this is https://trueselfsystems.com/family-constellations-therapy-2/)

In the workshop someone says "xy has died and I am devastated I will never see them or speak with them again". ES says "oh but you can still meet them, would you like that?" - the participant says yes.

We all sit in silence and something descends into the room, a presence. It moves into some people and then (as I know it will) finally lands in me. I am channelling this dead persons relative and I do my best to step aside and allow them to move through me - which happens in feeling and movement rather than words.

The participant is moved and cries ...

Then a rainbow appears on the workshop room - it is a rather extraordinary moment. The space is large and bright with one whole wall of patio doors and a pale pine wooden floor - and now a rainbow is arching across the space!

We all go up to it and move our hands through a rainbow vapour with awe ...

ES suggests that now is a good time to break for lunch. I am drinking tea and look back at the rainbow wondering "but is it [and the channelling that has just happened] real? Is it all really happening or is it all fake?" In that moment the rainbow 'breaks' into an ugly piece of fabric that has a rainbow projected on to it. The second I believed it to not be real, the magic and awe is gone.

Disappointed I move into the next activity which is to make some "day of the dead" style candles for a ritual, skulls and that kind of thing.

A friend who I shared this dream with later shares this quote with me ...

"My definition of Magic - unbelievable but happening - and the joy when disbelief dissolves ..." ...

The quote comes from this sculptor and his long project to create ice music https://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/short-film-showcase/00000159-b8cd-ddda-ad5b-fcfd30670000?fbclid=IwAR0UC152bOS2JAe7O-Ppd2TGidDlSCs6kK4TupLEVtmWbZN4qwop4dpoXwc

Some notes on astrology and my dreams

I am interested in astrology of late (for the first time), in particular I am interested in the "raw data" of astrology and how one experiences that. What I mean by this - at some point someone somewhere must have felt something about the planets and ascribed a meaning to them and astrologers have built around that.

Rather than just reading about astrology I am lightly holding a meditation on the planets in order to try to know (sense and feel) myself this raw data. I used to look at the stars alot as a child - growing up in a small town they were much more visible to me then than they are now living in London. I recall times travelling in my twenties too when I saw some incredible skies (most notably high up in the mountains in China).

Now in London though, I don't have access to this visible sense of being part of a greater universe. So I am looking at scale images of our solar system and also recalling to focus my attention to different planets that I choose (though sometimes the planets 'choose me') as we move around the astrological cycle.

I have felt that some of my dreams cross over with this process. For instance - as the smallest and most feisty planet in the solar system - I feel that the Squirrel in this dream corresponds with Mars. Squirrels in our garden regularly come and eat from our hands and though small they can be very warrior like too - just like Mars!

In the man (who was me too!) I felt the qualities of Mercury. I feel the boatman (and the boat!) was Saturn - both his clothes and the boat were even the sandy beige colours of Saturn. The Shaman we were going to see was Pluto.

Don't ask me how I know all of this - I just do know that these dreams cross over with my daily planetary meditation and a prayer I regularly make to know intimately our solar system!