Friday, July 24, 2020

Ancestors at the festival

I am at a "festival" - or more like a very old fashioned gathering, lots of big tents.

I am in a big tent first of all by myself trying to decide what to wear, I opt for a deep burgandy long floaty "hippie" style skirt though its very old fashioned again, and I pair it with a top that covers up my throat and arms which is not my usual preference.

I go outside and find the people I am with, a man and a woman, they are older than me and I am related with them, its not clear if they are my lovers or my guardians perhaps (not parents, but guardians).

The man is setting up a yurt, I am SO delighted and express this - we have more space! He says yes and starts to talk about the resources that we have - the woman smiles and says "we are resources too, don't forget us" indicating me and her. She smiles warmly, its a loving chide, things feel good and very loving between us all.

I go and hug him tightly with deep gratitude for some time. The woman nudges and says "hey don't forget me" and I hug her too. I am deeply aware of both of their bodies which feel strong, competent - I am aware of feeling both love and arousal ...

Then they move swiftly to work - he is setting up the yurt, she is laying out items on a table, I realise it is a stall and she is selling things. I am a bit befuddled by the movement from love to activity but I think "toughen up" and move with it, and wonder what it is that I need to go and do to contribute to our "chopping wood and carrying water" wellbeing.

I have the sense that whilst she sells objects what I do is something more related to performance, something with my body, teaching perhaps ...

I wander off to try to find what it is.

Thoughts / feelings the next day

This feels STRONGLY resonant with my sense of myself as 3 souls, and these 3 souls being 2 old and one new. The younger woman whom I am throughout the dream being the younger soul, the guardians the older ones.

When I first read about this concept, I had woken up in the middle of the night one night with the thought "maybe I am more than one soul". I googled and found this and something clicked into place regarding my inner sense of self
https://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/380846/jewish/Four-Souls-One-Person-52.htm

These chapters also resonate
https://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/380841/jewish/Reincarnation-Ibur-51.htm
https://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/380847/jewish/Ibur-and-Growth-53.htm

And I feel uncertain as yet whether this phenomena of multiple beings occupying one body occured at birth or at the age of 13.

The Rabbi talks about the souls being "related to each other through the roots" and I feel that the three souls in this dream relate to -

Cathryn - the young soul, taking more from the side of my mothers ancestry
Rose - the first old soul to have been expressed
Reuben - the second old soul I am now encountering to be expressed

From this dream, my sense that these older souls relate to the ancestry of my paternal Grandmother Daphne is increased. Her ancestral line is has been hard to trace, including French for sure, possibly Jewish and Romany too.

From this dream I start to wonder if -


  • The younger person as said was Cathryn
  • The older soul "Rose" is Marie - mother of Daphne - was Rose a nickname for her? The origin of the name Marie is shocking, especially as it was birthed out of an intense and seemingly endless (though it did end) period of grieving, like a sea of grief. 
  • The other older soul is Reuben - father of Daphne.

With this I wonder once again about the origins of Marie - I almost forgot about her origins having gotten so obsessed to find Daphnes father Reginald Hamilton - whom I eventually traced with near but yet to be proved certainty to be Reuben Brown, son of Leon Harris Brown, a Jewish man who fled the pogroms from Poland in the late 1800s and made his fortune as a Jeweller in Sheffield. In the linked to page, Reuben is in the back row, third from left.

Maries father is listed as "Ernest Saunders, a gentleman" - as for her sibling Ernest too - but her mother Ernestine never marries whilst living for some time in Maida Vale in a well appointed apartment.

"Ernest Saunders a gentleman" doesn't sound very Romany - however there is still the unexplained Romany link in my cousin matches. Also a Romany fortune teller who said my relative was there with her - a Romany man who had lied about his name and was in fact called "Mr Lee" and was very wealthy through not so honest means.

I feel drawn to restart my long suspended ancestry search again ...


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