Two similar dreams - the spiritual couple

 I am at a spa, I am there with a couple. They are slim and attractive - the archetypal beautiful spiritual tantra type couple that you might see posting pictures on Instagram.

I follow around after them (particularly after the woman) feeling insecure, not good enough, insignificant.

We go to the lockers and I realise I have forgotten my swimsuit, so I put on my Bikram yoga pants (hot pant style shorts) and a yoga crop top. I walk around and people are staring at me - I pass a mirror and realise that the pants are see through and you can see a big bush of pubic hair, both through them and peeping over the top.

I feel so much shame.

I follow the couple into a hot tub, once I am in I realise I have accidently brought my satchel in with me. I pull it out spilling water and place it on the side - more shame ...

I meet Mooji

Once again I am with a spiritual couple, this time on a workshop / retreat.

The man this time is Mooji (though it looks nothing like the real Mooji).

He is delivering a talk. He asks a question and I can see it is a REALLY IMPORTANT question. I know the answer and am surprised no one else does, I hold back from replying though. I open my laptopt and try to type the answer to him but I am too slow - by the time I hit send he has gone and it is the lunch break.

We eat sandwiches, chat and mill. I wonder if he got my message.

We go back to work, a strange dance is forming, people are being told to do strange swirls and arm waving things by the wife of Mooji.

I go up and ask her "where is Mooji" and she replies "he is gone".

I take a sharp intake of breath - "he has gone?" - I gasp and I feel the impact of this through my whole body. What she has just said is "God has given up on us and gone" - this is how it registers in me, as a tragedy, unbearable.

People carry on doing the strange dance she is teaching them. I reluctantly and half heartedly join in, but all the while I am thinking -

Did he abandon us because we did not answer his question, we didn't get it so he gave up on us?

Did he get my message?

If only I had spoken up or sent it sooner!!!

I do the dance but I know she is just filling time, giving us stuff to do that FEELS like we are doing / learning something but we are not really. It is all just a sham.