Two Shamanic dreams

 I was at a reunion of members of a shamanic lodge I was in for many years. We did a simple process - putting a candle outside with an intention / question for great spirit. Then going to bed holding the image of the candle outside, shining our question to the stars and the sky and seeing what answers came in our dreaming time.

My question was to do with a part of myself I felt I had lost. I used to be much more heavily engaged in shamanic process and practice. But since I gained a trauma lens and understanding, I had come to doubt that part of myself and wonder if it wasn't all just an expression of developmental trauma.

I wanted to find the part of myself who walks in other dimensions, I put a call out to meet my shamanic double (a term from the works of carlos castaneda).

I went to bed and had two dreams:

Dream 1

I was with a man on a skateboard, he was very tall and stout. He was skating around and we had some relationship together, he was 'with' me. I was embarassed and a little shamed by being 'with' him. He skated through some young men, they looked like the might pounce on him.

I worried and thought "they won't know he has special needs". Somehow I knew he had special learning needs, that he was autistic. I thought 'they will just see a big man and think he is as old as he looks, but he is young inside and innocent too. He won't know they are a danger to him. 

I was both afraid for him and ashamed to be with him too. I was plotting and thinking hard how to keep him safe.

Dream 2

I was with a woman in a wheelchair, she looked at me and tried to speak. She had a big warm hat on her head. She couldn't speak but she didn't seem to mind too much. She smiled at me then began to slowly stroke her two hands down her whole body, slowly and rhythmically from the crown of her head to her feet.

With each stroke her body became more vibrant - it pulsed and vibrated - and mine did too in resonance with hers. She became so alive and vibrant even though she was not moving. After a few strokes she smiled at me, a heartul smile.

I was interested I had two dreams about autistic people. I felt that they were coming from parts of my physiology that are in trauma / survival physiology. But they were both magic in their own way - the man like the fool in the tarot deck, skating and having fun without a care for the danger around him. The woman who reveals herself as a healer with her hands, and her heart that shines so brightly.